Recently started uni and feeling homesick? It’s a lot more common than you think, even if it feels like nobody else is talking about it.
Here, I share my experience of feeling homesick at uni, the lessons I learnt along the way (and after), and how an ancient source – the Bible – helps me take a step back and reset when I’m stuck in that loop of thinking: I’m always going to feel this way ...
When you’re swept up in a wave of homesickness, it can feel like you’re the only one going through it.
But the stats tell us that this isn’t the case. According to the National Union of Students (NUS), homesickness typically affects 50–70 per cent of students during their first few months at university.
So, if nobody else has told you yet, let’s get a few things cleared up:
As someone who’s been there and got the t-shirt, I want to share a few thoughts on being homesick, which I hope will give you a chance to process how you’re feeling, offer a fresh way of looking at things and help you focus on the light at the end of the tunnel.
I’ll also be sharing a few thoughts from an ancient book that, time and time again, shows me I’m not the only one who’s ever felt this way – even if it might feel like it in the moment.
Read on to discover what I’ve learnt about homesickness through personal experience and how I feel about it now that I’ve come out the other side ...
‘There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.’
I know first-hand how horrible homesickness is. It’s gross, painful and lonely, like a heavy stone that sinks to the pit of your stomach and stays there.
And, in truth, when I was caught in the middle of it, I found it hard to zoom out and get perspective. I struggled to take a step back and tell myself this was just a moment in time. That I wouldn’t always feel this way. That, one day, this feeling would be a distant memory.
And I think that’s why I resonate with so many stories in the Bible. And why I also rely on my support network. I find it comforting to hear from those who’ve gone before me, from those who’ve experienced the same emotions as me. And to see that those dark, scary times we find ourselves in won’t last forever.
To me, the Bible is a lot of things and that includes being a text that isn’t always easy to get my head around. But I also think it does a good job of capturing that balance between coming to terms with the season you’re in and looking ahead to the future – with hope that better things are around the corner.
A poem found in Ecclesiastes says: ‘There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens’ (Ecclesiastes 3.1).
What do these words mean to you? Do they resonate in any way? You might like to explore them in more detail with our guided meditation.
To me, this verse is about learning that some parts of life are just difficult. Homesickness is difficult. But it won’t last forever. It’s a season. A moment in time.
And, with time and experience, my homesickness got easier to manage. I learnt that it wouldn’t last forever. I learnt that making plans with my friends and housemates really helped settle me back in. I realised that I tended to get a wave of it after the holidays, but that was okay; I’d been there before and I’d come out the other side of it.
‘Friends always show their love. What are relatives for if not to share trouble?’
I’ll be honest, when I was feeling homesick at uni, I felt a strange sense of pressure that I had to be *just fine* about living independently from day one. I told myself I just needed to be brave and stick it out a bit longer. I thought phoning home would just make me feel more homesick.
Of course, I’d always recommend doing what works best for you. Maybe throwing yourself into your uni social life will work best. But I also don’t think you should feel bad about needing – or wanting – to phone home, like I did.
The Bible celebrates good relationships. One book, called Proverbs, says this: ‘Friends always show their love. What are relatives for if not to share trouble?’ (Proverbs 17.17).
And honestly? I’m sure my family would tell you that I definitely put that second part into practice even now. I’ll happily chat their ears off about how I’m feeling or what’s stressing me out.
So, I hope this acts as a reminder that these people are there for you. Tell them how you’re feeling. Speak to them. Share your concerns. Laugh with them. Cherish them.
‘Where you go, I will go; where you lodge, I will lodge.’
I remember talking to my older brother on the phone when I’d been at uni for a few weeks. I told him I felt really homesick. I missed home. I missed my family.
He replied: ‘It might not feel like it right now, but you will settle in. And the friends you make will become like family to you. And one day, you’ll be at home and realise you’re missing them: your new family.’
At that time, I couldn’t really imagine that future. It felt so far removed from what I was experiencing in the moment. But, looking back, he was right.
It took time but I got over those early days of feeling homesick. I made friends who are among some of my closest friends to this day. And now I look back on my uni days and miss all those adventures we got up to together.
This might be why I resonate so much with one of my favourite Bible characters: Ruth.
To give you a bit of backstory, Ruth met her husband after his family moved from Bethlehem in Judah (yes, the one in the Christmas story!) to Moab due to a famine.
Over time, her husband, father-in-law and brother-in-law passed away, at which point, her mother-in-law, Naomi, decided to return to Bethlehem. The three widows began to head back together, but Naomi told her daughters-in-law to go back and be with their own families.
In that moment, Ruth showed deep loyalty to her mother-in-law, saying: ‘Where you go, I will go; where you lodge, I will lodge; your people shall be my people, and your God my God’ (Ruth 1.16).
To me, Ruth’s story is a message of hope about finding your people. They aren’t always related to you. You might have different life experiences. But friends can become family, and you can find a new home even when you aren’t expecting it.
So, if I could, what would I tell my younger self?
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